Category Archives: stories from my life

On Criticism

I’ve found that people of my generation are generally pretty thin skinned when it comes to getting criticism.  Perhaps this comes from my generation being steeped in self-esteem talk and good feelings.  I tend to be that way, so taking some heat is usually pretty difficult for me.

How to take the heat well is one of the things I’m learning recently.  This is my second year as head coach of a high school wrestling program, and the program has a slew of very involved parents.  For the most part, that is a wonderful thing.  They care.  They lend a hand.  They support vigorously.

But from time to time, when I make a decision that doesn’t benefit their sons directly, they get upset and voice it.  A few parents haven’t thought some of my decisions particularly good, they let me know it, and they talk amongst other parents about what they think.  In times like this, it is very easy to get defensive and get upset back, becoming offended that everyone is not on the same page as I, and being incredulous that anyone question my ways.

That would be the wrong reaction, and would only make things worse.

It’s almost as if I expect them to always hold me as the all-star, the-guy-who-can do-no-wrong, the-untouchable-one-who-walks-on-water.  Well, God is thoroughly squashing that expectation through the criticism I’ve been taking recently.

I have to expect times like this.  It is, after all, part of being in the spotlight as the head guy.  It is part of my job description.  If I don’t become comfortable with that, I won’t last very long.

Reflections on First Crossfit Competition

Yours truly, waiting to start one of the events.

Sometimes, in the middle of training, I ask why I put myself through all the pain and crap.  I ask myself that often even in the midst of competition as well.  Both are hard.  Oftentimes I run into those “gut check” moments, when my lungs are pounding, my head is spinning, my muscles are on fire, drool is on my face, my eyes are stinging from the sweat dripping into them, and my hands can’t grip anything because the sweat makes my grip slippery.  In those moments, its either push through it or back down.  No third option.

Those are tough, and those are the moments that make me ask “why am I doing this?”  But then I get on the other side, and I figure out why I do it.  The satisfaction of completing the job by giving my all is deep and profound.

Yesterday was my first foray into competing as a crossfit athlete.  After the competition I had competing feelings (no pun intended).  On the one hand there was the satisfied emotion I talked of above.  There were some gut check moments in the competition and there was a healthy dose of adversity to overcome too.  Facing all that head on was immensely worthwhile.

On the otherhand, the whole experience left me wanting more and fired up for the next one in April (there’s actually one in January, but I can’t compete in it because that’s the heart of wrestling season), mainly because I wasn’t pleased with my performance.  Yes, I gave it my all and left nothing out there, yes, my identity is not in my performance so failure doesn’t eat at me, and yes, I had that sense of satisfaction I talked about above that comes with giving it my all, but the competitor in me is rarely satisfied unless I meet all my goals (and my goals are usually pretty lofty, almost out of reach).

Over the years I’ve made my peace with that part of me, mostly because I’ve realized that having high expectations of oneself is a common character trait in heroes and great men/women who have moved society forward.  Take a look at anyone who has forged anything worthwhile in this world, and you’ll find that quality.

I say that at the risk of sounding arrogant, but don’t be worried: I don’t count msyelf in the same company as Lincoln, Roosevelt, Wooden, or Jordan…lol, not even close.  All I’m saying is that drive is responsible for a lot of good in the world, so I feel no compulsion to follow the voice that tells me to kill it and be part of the horde that knows neither the thrill of victory nor the sting of defeat.

So what were my goals?  The competition was split up into ten events, and of the ten events, I only met my goals on two of them.  I met my goal of a 150 lb snatch in that event, and I exceeded my goal of completing one of the timed events in a certain time by thirty seconds.  On all the other events, I missed the mark.   Overall, I finished 17th out of 51 intermediate competitors (competition was split in divisions–intermediate and advanced).  My goal was to finish top five.

Admittedly, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do on some of the events. Some of them, like the vertical jump or maximum deadlift, measured raw athletic talent for the most part.  Raw athletic talent is not something I possess, at least compared with most of the horses in the competition.  What’s more, for all the events, I trained smart and hard, held nothing back, and pushed through discomfort and pain, but still I have that dual sense of satisfaction coupled with dissatisfaction.  Why?

Hey, it is what it is.  I’m  a driven guy.  So I train on…

What is Truth?

…such was the subject of a recent Socratic Seminar (Socratic seminars are basically class discussions on a certain question/text that are more student-directed, rather than teacher-directed) in an English class of one of my colleagues.

The day before the discussion, she put up a status update on Facebook to the tune of “this should be interesting.  Lots to talk about,” as if the question was controversial or somehow hard to answer. 

I commented, somewhat sarcastically: “uuhhh..answer: correspondence with reality.  End of discussion.”

My comment, though I was trying to be funny and witty (I probably royally failed), was only somewhat sarcastic.  That is *the* answer.  A statement or belief is “true” when it matches, corresponds to, or aligns with an actual state of affairs in reality.  Aristotle, though by no means the inventor of this, was perhaps one of the first to articulate it when he said:

To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is, and of what is not that it is not, is true.

Boy, thank goodness we have philosophers (sarcasm implied there).

Now, that doesn’t mean that no other answer has been proposed.  Plenty have.  Some philosophers have argued that “truth” is when a statement or belief coheres and meshes well with your other beliefs (called the “coherence” view of truth), while others have insisted that we can’t know reality as it is in itself; we can only know our perceptions.  These fellas hold that concepts in our minds do not match with (or fail to match with) reality–they construct reality.  This is called the “constructivist” view of truth (see a trend here?).

Richard Rorty, Duke U. philosopher, is famous for quipping, “truth is what my peers let me get away with saying.”

Funny story: one time, whe Rorty gave his version of truth, Alvin Plantinga, of Notre Dame fame, shot back: “Richard, we are not going to let you get away with that,” shining a light on the slightly self-defeating nature of the statement.

Notice this, though: no matter what the alternative version is, they all have one thing in common–they all assume the correspondence view of truth.  They wouldn’t make sense without it.  In other words, folks who think truth is something other than correspondence to reality say something like this: “truth is NOT correspondence to reality.  Truth is ____.” To which one can always ask, “are you accurately describing truth?”  In other words, does the alternative view of truth correspond to what truth really is, or is it just a statement of the speaker’s belief?  If the latter, it can be written off as “just a belief.”  If the former–if the person making the statement is purporting to describe reality, purporting to describe what truth is really like, they’ve really shot themselves in the foot.

A few comments down in the Facebook thread, my colleague noted: “if you were in the discussion, they (the students) would have plenty to say.  Many would question you and disagree with you.”

To which I replied: “…and in so doing unwittingly confirmed my view.”

The only way in which their disagreement would matter and make any sense is if they would say that my claims do not accurately describe/match up with what truth really is, i.e, my claims do not correspond to reality.  Otherwise, who cares?  If, in their disagreement, they would just be expressing their personal taste or preference, why bother?  Why have an in depth and principled socratic discussion over what would only amount to ice cream tastes?  Only if we are talking about reality would I want to waste ANY energy at all in the dialogue.

So how did the discussion go?  I asked my colleague that question the next day, and she said that it actually turned out to be quite a discussion, and she summarized some of the things her students remarked.  Their comments clued me in that they were really answering and asking a bunch of different questions that departed from the original topic somewhat.   That doesn’t mean they weren’t good questions to ask/statements to make, but it sounds like they never really got around to addressing the topic directly…I’ll just lay it all out here and hopefully you’ll see what I mean:

* “One’s beliefs and perceptions are shaped largely by their environment and how he was raised.”

Yes, true.  Question, though: so what?  What follows from that?  Does that mean that said person doesn’t know the truth?  Does that mean that no one can know the truth?  The answer to both questions is “no.”  Just because one’s beliefs or views have been shaped by his surroundings (“if you were raised in Saudi Arabia, you’d be a Muslim, not a Christian.”) doesn’t mean the views he does hold are false, unjustified, unknowable, or that the person doesn’t hold those beliefs for rational, solid reasons.  To suggest otherwise would be a major non sequitur.

* “How can a person be sure that their religion or belief on truth is the correct one?”

Good question.  Short answer: take the claims of the religion, along with the reasons and evidence supporting those claims, and compare/contrast with the claims of other religions.  The first thing you’ll notice is that a) they can’t all be true, and b) they all aren’t on equal footing when it comes to rational justification.

Sometimes, people ask this question not as a genuine query or search, but as a way of skeptically dismissing someone who does strongly hold to a certain belief.  Some, when confronted with a strong believer, merely shrug, mumble “how can you know?” and walk away, without waiting for an answer.  This is the lazy man’s way of justifying his own intellectual laziness. 

Someone who asks that question but refuses to actually go further and seek an honest answer to the question is not a real player in the game.  Until these folks demonstrate that they take the enterprise seriously and are willing to think through how one could know, I tend to not take them seriously.

* “How can someone know his views are correct if he hasn’t explored the alternatives?”

Another good question.  If you haven’t done this, you need to do so.  You could be wrong, so comparing your worldview to the worldview of others will only benefit you.  You’ll either figure out you got it wrong, and you’ll need to change your view, or you’ll figure out that you are onto something, in which case you’ll gain confidence and peace.  Either way is a win for you.  People of all stripes, atheist, Jewish, Buddhist, Agnostic, Skeptic, not just the Christian, need to do this.

By the way, though some detailed examination of other beliefs is needed, for some worldviews and religions, this need not be complicated.  For example, if a religion claims that evil is an illusion or that the individual is an illusion (as do some strains of Hinduism, and some atheists), that pretty much disqualifies that one right there.  Pretty easy to say that in an academic classroom setting removed from the flotsam and jetsam of reality; quite another thing to state it with a straight face at the foot of the gas chambers of Auschwitz.  In other words: though you will need to do a great bit of digging on some questions and for some worldviews, some questions can be answered and some worldviews eliminated with common sense, so don’t fret and make the search more complicated than it needs to be.

*Religion (in large part) is handed down from parents and surrounding influences when children are young.

Yes, this is the case with many people.  As is commonly said: “if you were born in China, you’d be Buddhist,” or “if you were born in Iraq, you’d be Muslim.”  First, while that is generally true with a wide swath of people, that does not mean we should conclude environment or locale determines belief.   Christians are dispersed the world throughout, and we see all the time instances of people rejecting the worldview of their culture.   Difficult, yes.  Rare, comparitively.  But very possible.

Secondly, it is an error to conclude from the observation above that such a belief gained through the influence of one’s own culture is therefore unjustified.  You can’t fault a belief on it’s source; that is the genetic fallacy.  Beliefs are true or false wholly apart from the environmental influences that might have caused it.  Just because someone might have received his beliefs from his parents does not make those beliefs false, and does not mean the person can’t know his beliefs are true.  It is a semi-interesting observation of human nature, nothing more.

*When is it okay to lie? When is it not okay to lie?

Quick answer: if it is 1942 in Nazi Germany, and you have Jews in your basement, you get a pass.  Otherwise, I usually advise against it.

All these statements and questions are interesting, but they are a way’s down the road, and, strictly speaking, someone that brings them up in the context of the “what is truth?” topic is changing the subject.  The answer to the question “what is truth?” is fairly simple.

Foot in Mouth

Good advice, I reckon:

HT: Verum Serum

Sabbath

This week has been excruciatingly busy.  The last seven days, I have experienced exhaustion at levels I never thought I’d reach.  I know what many of you are thinking right now: “I hear that all the time from people.  Stop tooting your own horn about how important you are!”

Hold your judgment for the time being.  I have a point to all this, and it might surprise you.  Let me get through the details of the week first.

Last week, the seniors in my research class turned in their research papers.  Since the grading term ended on Tuesday, I had to have them graded by then…all 60 of them.  This was no small task, for it took me around 25 minutes to grade one of them.  Though there were a few good papers here and there, the papers were of such low quality that I felt I needed to be as detailed in my critique as I could.  Plus, many of them were on issues of great importance–abortion, religion and warfare, same-sex marriage–so I needed to carefully walk them through the subjects with clear thinking.  I was as disappointed in the papers from the conservative students (pro-life, against same-sex marriage, etc) as I was in the papers from more secular students, simply because the reasoning wasn’t there.  There was a whole lotta assertions from both types of students, a whole lotta dismissal of counter arguments by both sides, and a whole lotta cherry picking evidence to suit their conclusions, but there was almost zilch in terms of actual research, rigorous analysis of hard data and evidence, and charitable treatment of opponents.  Needless to say, it took a tremendous amount of time to wade through all the bunk.  On top of all that, I had to deal with one possible plagiarism case (turned out, after a few hours of examination, that it was a false alarm).  The ultimate downer was that when I went to print the file that contained my comments (I typed out notes of commentary for each student), Microsoft Word said the file was corrupt, and I could not access it….so the students did not get the benefit of the critique I spent all that time forming.

All this led to one all nighter, plus two 2am bed times and a 4:45 wake-up alarm for the whole week.  To top all that off, I had a coaches meeting on Monday night, a wrestling fundraiser Tuesday night, a wrestling meet Thursday night, a wrestling tournament all day Saturday, and a paper and final due during the week for a Theology class I’m taking.  The earliest I arrived home all week was last night at 10.  I actually fell asleep hugging my wife.

Today, though, has been glorious.  I woke up at noon.  After lounging around for who knows how long, my wife and I went to a movie.  Then we came back and lounged some more.  I took a nap.  Watched TV…I was just flat out lazy today.  Though I have a mountain of work awaiting me, I didn’t feel a bit guilty about it at all.

What’s my point in giving the details of this week?  Other than to give an accounting of why I’ve been strangely absent from the blogosphere the last seven days, it’s to make a point about the wisdom of God’s commands.

Embedded in the Ten Commandments is one commandment that we Americans tend to forget often: the command to rest one day a week.  Many of us–Christians included–regard that command as a holdover from a bygone era.  Even if we don’t explicitly say it, many of us subconsciously think that way.  This is the 21st century after all, not ancient Israel; we’re not desert nomads herding sheep, and there are only two ways to get ahead in today’s complicated world: cheat or work your fingers to the bone….that’s the common way of thinking, at least.

We miss the fact, though, that God is the designer of both the universe in general and the human makeup in particular.  There’s a plethora of reasons behind His commandments.  They are not arbitrary or killjoy rules.  Behind every single one–even the ones we dismiss with a handwave–is a wealth of wisdom about how the world actually works.

Sunday is my sabbath day.  I do absolutely no work whatsoever.  I sleep in till whenever (my wife and I usually attend church on Saturdays).  I spend time with God.  I read.  I veg out.  This practice has been one of the key elements keeping me sane both this week and over the past few months.  You’d figure that by taking one day totally off, that work would pile up…well, it does.  Mondays aren’t pretty.  The thing is that by recharging on Sundays and not even cutting corners on that day a bit (I don’t even think about grading or planning or anything of the sort), I have the mental juice to tackle what looks to be an overwhelming load each week.

Well, sadly, Sunday is over…time to gird up my loins and run headlong into another monstrous Monday.

Not Karma, but Grace

Last night as my wife and I were walking to Kinko’s, a homeless young man was sitting on the sidewalk.  He looked up and asked, “can you all spare some change for me?”

 

My policy is not to give money out to homeless persons.  Too often it is abused, so many times it functions as an enabler for a destructive habit.  I prefer to give the person food, help to a shelter, and a some conversation, even if only for a moment.  This is what I did with the young man, who happened to be named Justin.

 

My wife and I went into Wahoo’s, bought a taco meal and a drink, and gave it to Justin.  As we were getting a bit of his story from him, he expressed his thanks.  I just mentioned that there was One who has helped us out (referring to Jesus…I should have just said the Name), and we only wanted to extend a bit of that to him.

 

He took it as a reference to karma.  “Oh sure,” he joyfully said, “everyone needs a little karma.”

 

This was a wide open opportunity to explain the point of grace to him.  It turned out to be an opportunity that I didn’t fully grasp (I’m afraid I’m a bit timid and often not very quick on my feet in situations like this.), for all I could manage was, “oh no, I’m not talking about karma.  I’m talking about grace, something we don’t deserve.  God changed our lives because of his grace, and I’m thankful He didn’t give us what we deserve.”

 

It was late and we needed to get home, so after a few more moments, we said our goodbyes and went on our way.  I couldn’t help but reflect on the small divine opportunity, though.  It was a poignant reminder to me that God has given my wife and I exactly what we don’t deserve, and it’s a good thing.  I’m not just talking about a decent living, good relationships, and a meaningful job.  I’m talking about the blessing of being adopted into His family through Christ in the first place.

 

If God operated by the law of karma, we’d get nothing but wrath and hell, for that is what we deserve.  Far from being pointless groveling in the mud, this is simply a recognition that my wife and I were both, at one time, rebels in arms against God, and the wage such treason earns isn’t a happy eternity.  We ran from Him, not to Him.  Sure, we did good things, but due to the fact that we had quite a rap sheet account of breaking God’s law, this “resume” was spiritually meaningless to God as a used menstrual rag is to a courtroom judge.

 

Sometimes we both are tempted to think of ourselves more highly than we ought, but one quick comparison to the Ten Commandments cures us of all that.  We fail miserably every day.  While this has gotten better since we bent the knee to Christ, we still fall woefully short every day of the week.  This isn’t just mere breaking of useless rules either; such a lifestyle leaves lives hurt and God’s creation marred.  This was sobering…it still is sobering.

 

But God (the two most beautiful words  in Scripture) lavished His love and grace upon us, forgiving our debt to Him and bringing us into His family.  As I said earlier, thank God, not for karma, but for grace.

 

To those that are fellow adoptees, I hope this spurs you on to greater love and good deeds to your fellow human beings.  For those that have not yet taken God’s offer of adoption, I hope and pray that this motivates you to grasp a hold of God’s offer while it still stands.

Update

In case you’re wondering where the irregular posting is coming from: I have a new job.  I just got hired to teach English at Capistrano Valley High School.  I will also be the head  wrestling coach there.  I pretty much hit the ground running, trying to get set before the school year starts.

God has a sense of irony: there was a very high profile student/teacher conflict in the news at that high school in the spring, and I was set to write a post on it in a few days…then I got hired to teach there.  Looks like that post will have to wait!