While my years at my previous school were definitely challenging, this year at a new school in a totally new environment turned out to be challenging too, in its own unique way, simply because I had so much going on: new marriage, new school, three classes I’d never taught before, a teacher induction program to complete, a Master’s Degree to work on, sponsor of a student club, and a first year as a head wrestling coach.
To tell you the truth, the assignment was frustrating in a certain respect; I’m a perfectionist, and I have an itch to do everything to a freakishly anal degree of quality. Given that I was dealing with so much, I felt the best I could do in this situation was just “mediocre” at everthing. I had to frequently fly by the seat of my pants in the classroom, constantly had to multitask (ie, deal with a parent issue on email while trying to teach a lesson, manage the behavior of the 30+ teenagers in my room at that time, fill out that paperwork for next week’s competition, tweak that afternoon’s practice, get that one thing to my A.D, and do grading, all at the same time…not to mention the paper I need to write for m own class, and that piece of paperwork–what was it again?–from my teacher induction program), and I was always seeming to forget and miss the needs and requests of parents, students, and admins alike (“Hey, uh, Mr. B…I showed my missing assingment to you three weeks ago and you said you’d put it in the online gradebook, but it’s still a zero.” “Hey, you said you’d call me two days ago to discuss my son’s injuries, but I didn’t see you call.” etc, etc).
In general, the students took full advantage of this, walking aaaalllll over me in the classroom, but I really couldn’t do much about it. I am one man, with only so much bandwith to go around. When you are routinely staying after work 4 hours most days to get stuff done, and the “to do” list is still growing, not shrinking, it is time to let it all go and just not worry about it.
Another unique thing that happened this year was a teacher strike. While I can’t really give you my thoughts on the politics of the situation, I can tell you that it was this real big hiccup right in the middle of the semester. Everything, even for the teachers that reported to work (I was one of them), stopped completely…no curriculum, no sports, no nuthin’. No teacher who came to work had his own students (there were only about 10-15% of the students who came anyway). After the strike was finished it took a little while for us to regain momentum in the classroom.
A strike is a heady thing, really. It was interesting seeing one from the inside, and getting an up-close look at its effect on parents, teachers, admins, and students was quite sobering.
Perhaps all this was God’s way of curing me of my perfectionism. He has a habit of doing that with me. You know what, though? I relished the challenge, and I think I came out allright. I look forward to it next year (minus the striking, of course). Part of the trick is making the most of the upcoming summer “downtime” by planning and preparing: planning lessons, making a schedule and calendar, getting paperwork done, tweaking the curriculum, etc. Hopefully, with enough hard work over the summer, I can have this machine running on at least 4 cylinders by September.
Which brings me to the next question you might have: what, exactly, is my predicament for next year? Due to budget cuts, I have been let go at my school. The way this works is that there’s a seniority list: teachers who have been there the longest have the most job security. The pecking order moves down until it gets to the newbies. New teachers like me are the first to get let go and the last ones to get rehired in the event of a budget shortage. I can get rehired back, but time will tell if there is enough space such that I get to do that.
For some teachers in some schools, this is a yearly thing for the first 4, 5, or even 6 years of their careers. I’ve seen Teachers of the Year get bumped. When it comes to getting your job back, sometimes you never know when or if…I could get a call tomorrow, I could get a call in August. That is the case this year: I haven’t heard yet, and I don’t know when I will. In the meantime, I’m just going to proceed and plan as if I will be back in the fall, so during the summer I’ll be doing all that work I mentioned above.
So there’s the situation, for good or for ill, and I ain’ gonna let you in on my personal feelings on the matter…:) Don’t even ask.
Besides all this drama, I’ve grown quite fond of this place. Even though my assignment was quite overwhelming, the subjects I had charge of this year were right up my alley, and I loved them. The staff is, generally, very friendly and supportive. Most have treated me with great respect and collegiality. The wrestling team has great potential, and I have the pleasure of coaching a few “mat rats” for the next few years. Furthermore, there are a good number of Christian students that I got to know that are willing to grow and learn in their faith. You seriously don’t know how much of a blessing that’s been! You don’t find that in very many schools. I even had the opportunity to do a little mini-religion/spirituality-discussion-thing with some of the faculty members! This is a great place for future ministry/work.
There are so many great memories I have of this year’s senior class and of the staff. I really love coming to work.
I’m sad to say, though, that the two memories that stick out to me the most are negative ones. I don’t know why I tend to be like that. I don’t know why the negative tends to have more of an impact on me than the positive. Perhaps I’m not alone in that habit. And in the grand scheme of things, they are really, really insignificant…you’ll see what I mean in a moment. In a certain way, they shouldn’t even be registering on my radar. For some odd reason, my mind keeps wondering back to them.
Both of them have to do with how some individuals treated me after the strike. Now, the overwhelming majority have been more than respectful…most understood my situation and why I could not join the line (had little if anything to do with where I stood as to the reasons the rest of the teachers had for striking and most everything to do with my temporary teacher status), so my friendship and professional relationships have continued largely as before.
But a few have totally turned a cold shoulder, two in particular. One, when I sit down at lunch, even gets up and moves away if I sit anywhere near her….every…single…time. At first, I tried to continue as before, by saying hi to them in the hallway and attempting to be cordial, despite their chilly attitude. But I wasn’t able to keep that up forever (after saying hi to one such colleague once, she flat out told me to stop talking to her, to put it nicely.); when you are completely, 100% ignored on things like that, you stop after a while. If I get any sort of eye contact from them (which is rare), it’s usually just a blank stare, as if to say, “what the hell are you looking at?”
The effect this has all had on me is interesting. First, I resolved to not let them intimidate me, and I’ve largely succeeded in that, I think. I’ve kept going mostly as before, but I do admit here lately I’ve adjusted the way I relate to them some, simply because its so darn awkward to smile or say hi to a stone wall. It’s been a loooong time since I’ve felt awkwardness like that so acutely, and its motivated me to take stock of the way I myself relate to others, no matter how much I disagree with them, to make sure I’m not putting others in that same awkward position. People have told me before that I’m a bit tightly wound, so I need to work on my warmth.
Second, it has *not* caused me to be sorry for “what I’ve done” and to repent of my woeful un-teacherly ways in crossing the line. I’m confident I did the right thing and have absolutely nothing to apologize about. If anything, it has pushed me in the other direction, making me more solid in my position and more wary of supporting a union-led activity in the future (I’m not a big union guy anyway, though I shared many of my colleagues concerns on this particular issue and might have struck had my circumstances been different.).
Third, it has given me good practice at keeping my focus despite others looking down on me. This isn’t persecution by any stretch, but it has given me some practice for when I have to handle persecution. Sometime along the way, if you are a faithful Christ-follower, Christ will call you to endure the wrath of the public. In those moments, disciples must stand firm and not buckle under the furrowed brow of any colleagues, neighbors, or influential persons. I tend to be a people pleaser. I want people to like me, and I have a habit of second guessing myself when someone looks down on me. Though this situation has little to do with my commitment to Christ, it has given me a chance to develop a firmer backbone, to keep my head high and eyes straight despite the opinions of others.
Fourthly and similarly, it really has bothered me. I’ve tried to not let it do so, but I have to admit it has soured my attitude a lot, especially of late. You might be wondering, “Rich, why? This is such a little thing! It’s not like they matter.” You’re right, you’re right. But one reason why it’s gotten to me is that I counted these folks as friends. They never came to me once and asked me to give an account; they never sought to understand or listen to a thing. Guess I was wrong. And hey, I’m a fallen human being, one who gets offended easily, and one who seeks the approval of others to an illegitimate degree (some of that is ok, but I take it to new levels, that’s why I call it “illegit.”). You put those two together and ya, this is going to get under my skin. This has been a chance for me to let go of those thought patterns and embrace the mantra that truly, it’s not about me. Again, let it go.
That phrase keeps popping up again and again…perhaps that could be this year’s theme? “Just let it go.”
