Monthly Archives: October 2009

You ever notice that there are an abundance of men who constantly play the “court jester” these days?  I’m not talking about guys who are really funny, goofy fellas that are fun to be around because they know how to light-heartedly tease you, or men who use the art of sarcasm well to make a deep point.  I’m talking about fellas who seldom seem to take much of anything seriously.

Two of my friends on Facebook displayed this characteristic today within minutes of each other.  The first, after another friend wrote a comment about abortion, remarked that he thought it was good because it’s “population control.”  The other faked his own marriage on Facebook (and, I admit, did a pretty good job of making it look real).  Both are Christians.

“Lighten up, Bordner.  Why don’t you just learn to laugh?  They were both just joking.  What’s the harm?”

I enjoy a good joke like the next guy.  Ask my wife: I am constantly teasing her, and it adds some lightness and laughter to our marriage.  There is a time to laugh, joke around, and be sarcastic.  But that is not all the time.

For both guys, I know by now to take their words and actions with a grain of salt…I knew right away, for example, that my first friend was only joking about abortion really being a good method of “population control.”

Therein lies the problem.  He was only joking, and I learned long ago to simply write him off.

The result of such flippancy is that both men have lost the ability to speak truth into my life and probably others’ lives too.  Both, in being so irreverent, have become totally irrelevant and impotent.

If you are a guy like this, you might not think it’s a big deal.  In fact, you probably like this sort of thing.  You like shocking people, because it brings you attention and people think you are funny.  But what about when you actually want people to take you seriously?  What then?  If being a shock jock is your bottom line, what will come of you when it is time to buck up and be useful?  After all, when his hour came, no one listened to the “boy who cried wolf.”

This is not something a man does.  It is something a boy stuck in Peter-Pan syndrome does.  We need a few more good men in the world, not this douche-baggery.

I know that term might offend some readers.  Oh well.  I’m tired of seeing this phenomena in so many young men.  It’s time to call a spade a spade.  I mean, c’mon; why even joke about abortion? Men who call themselves doctors split a baby’s skull open with forceps and suck out her brains. That is not the sort of thing to joke around about. I feel silly even saying such an obvious thing.

Another illustration: I watched Paranormal Activity this weekend.  With it’s fixation on the occult, I should have walked out of the movie.  It wasn’t so wise to stay, but that’s another post for another time.  In the movie, the main female character is being pursued by a demon.  Her boyfriend, with whom she lives, sees this as an opportunity to be entertained and buy cool gadgets.  He buys a bunch of high tech gear to record the entity in action, and teases it constantly.  He just wants to see a lil’ action and doesn’t take his girlfriend’s distress seriously.  He thinks it’s all one big joke.  When he finally does get serious, the situation is out of control and he can do nothing about it.  Spoiler: he ends up dead and his girlfriend ends up possessed.

Why all the irreverence?  A few things.

First, our society enables men to postpone responsibility.  Years ago we didn’t even have the category of “teenager.”  Next we added the category “adolescent,” and recently, some sociologists have begun to talk about the phenomenon of “adultolescence.”  Countless numbers of adults, especially young men, attempt to extend their adolescences into their late 20′s and early 30′s, and many well-meaning people encourage this attitude (“Wait until later to get married.  Have fun now!”).  My bet is the “flippant boy” persona is an extension of that attempt to run away from responsibility, even if only at a very subconscious level.

Secondly, our society tends to idolize the persona.  There are a large number of TV shows, such as Family Guy and South Park, that stand upon this type of humor, and there are a number of actors who’ve made a career out of playing these types of characters (most male actors in Anchorman, for instance).  It’s all around us, so it’s not surprising that young men would seek to emulate what our culture praises.

Thirdly, for some young men, it can be a way to hide insecurity.  We all have our fig leafs, and this is an awfully big one.  I once dated a woman (Ironic that I’ve been talking about men doing this all along.  I guess women can do it too, though it’s much more common in men) that displayed this.  Whenever someone would get personal and deep with her, she would start laughing and cracking jokes.  It was her way of running from facing her ish.

What do you think?  Do you see the same issue?  Do you even think it’s a problem?  If so, what are some other ways in which we enable this attitude, and how can we exhort young men to drop the fig leaf and grow up?