What’s Sauce for the Goose

Sarah added a comment to my post addressing single men, and it got me thinking.

The perspective I gave in that post easily applies to men…hence, the title.

A woman might be thinking, “hey, I’m not just gonna go out and ask some guy out.  ‘Being active’ in the search for a mate doesn’t really apply to me.  I’m supposed to wait.”

While the thought of actively asking someone out might make a gal uncomfortable, there are still some things a woman can do to “get in the game,” so to speak.

For one, hang around marriage minded folks, including other marrieds.  If you mainly hang around a gaggle of gals who continually talk about how men are lame and how they want to be married “some day, but not anytime soon,” chances are, you’ll be single for a while.

Also, go places where marriageable men of godly character are!  I’m not talking about bars and I’m not talking about a meat market.  Go meet some guys.  Even if you know and hang around many fellas, more couldn’t hurt…despite our neanderthal ways, we have tender moments.  Be social in mixed gender company.  The age old adage is true: if you aren’t casting, you won’t catch a fish…not that I’m saying men are fish (well, we can sure smell like one sometimes…ba-dump-dump-ding!).  You get the point.

Learn a skill/talent/hobby that men will find attractive.  Now, before you go about filling your mind with all sorts of weird imagery of desperate women trying to impress misogynistic men, hear me out: this is no different than what guys should do.  Napoleon Dynamite was right: chicks dig guys with skills.  Why would it be any different vice versa?  Learn to do something interesting.

Here’s an example from my life– I learned how to do quite a few social dances.  In the process, here’s how that helped me:

• I met many dateable women.
• I learned how to relate (talk) to women.
• I grew in confidence.
• I learned a very “marketable” skill (what chick doesn’t dig a guy who can dance?).
• It was exercise (what chick doesn’t want a guy that’s at least reasonably in shape?).

It’s mule-horse common sense.  This is something any woman can do.  As for me, I can’t resist a dancer.  I love all the dancing shows on TV–make fun of me if you will, but I religiously watch So You Think You Can Dance? precisely because I find the art of dancing so danged attractive.  It is something almost *any* able bodied girl can do–no need to be a pro athlete.  You can pick it up well after college.  Lessons are relatively cheap and great fun.  Just as a girl will notice a guy with skills, guys will notice you more than if you continue sitting on your hands…and there’s nothing wrong and lots right with being noticed like that.

Heck, you can come up with other skills to cultivate.  The point is to pick one that can be used in a social situation and go for it with gusto.

Lastly, and, I think, most importantly, don’t let a guy relationally mooch on you. What I mean is this: many guys have a tendency to be physically and emotionally close to a few female friends, but they don’t “take it to the next level.” A guy just wants to be friends, but he acts like they’re an item.  He shares close secrets with a woman, not being aware or not caring how that psychologically affects her.  He shares intimate emotions with her.  He might even be somewhat physical with her

In sum, the guy gets all the benefits of being attached without all the “messy” attachment.  He can keep his options open, yet stay relationally satisfied by his “female friend.” If you, ladies, find yourself in this position, don’t let him do that to you!  Of course, men have the blame on this one; it’s stupid, really, that many of us guys do this.  It is unloving and selfish.

But that doesn’t mean you have to stay that way and enable.  Force him to fish or cut bait, to step it up or not treat you that way.  Perhaps, with that ultimatum, he’ll wisen up, realize your value, and commit…or, he’ll cut bait and that will save you the painful hoping and waiting.  You can get on with your business unencumbered.

Anyway, that’s just my two cents.