As I was driving Saturday, I tuned into Valentine in the Morning on My F.M 104.3. I heard the tail end of a conversation he was having with his callers on “should you wait until marriage for sex?”
Although I only heard the last two callers, I heard a sentiment that is very popular these days. I decided to call in, but I was unable to get through, so I sent Valentine an email:
Hi Valentine!
I caught the tail end of your conversation on Saturday regarding sex before marriage. You asked the question, “should you wait?”
While I only caught the last two callers, one of your comments caught my attention. You drew an analogy between riding a bike and sex before marriage. The basic jist of it was that you said you shouldn’t wait because you gotta try your partner out, much like you try out a bike.
I hear that sentiment a lot: you gotta go for a test drive before you commit so you can see how your boyfriend/girlfriend is in bed.
It’s popular to think like that, but the problem is that we’re not dealing with cars or bikes, but human beings with incredible value. My girlfriend is not a bike…she’s a beautiful child of God. I therefore need to respect her as such and keep my hands off her until I commit in marriage. If I truly love her (which I do), I will have the discipline to do this.
Any woman should be hurt and offended if her boyfriend or spouse speaks of her like a car to be “test driven.”
Moreover, ladies, let me ask you this: how romantic is it, exactly, to stand buck naked in front of a man who hasn’t committed his life to you?
Lastly, we must recognize the consequences of sex before marriage…and I’m not talking about pregnancy and STDs. A condom provides absolutely zero protection against a broken heart. How much carnage has been made from people going on the “test drive” advice?
When you sleep with someone, whether you acknowledge it or not, you bind yourselves together; physiologically, emotionally, spiritually. You also give a piece of your heart and soul to that person. When you break up (which happens often…you might think, in the heat of the moment, that you’ll be together forever, but time often proves that wrong), you rip yourself away and leave that piece of yourself with him/her. We now have a culture of young men and women constantly binding and ripping, binding and ripping. Many of us have bonded and ripped so much, that when we really do marry, we have nothing left to give.
As philosopher J. Budziszewski notes, its kind of like duct tape; the first time you have sex, you will bond with the person no matter what. But after a while, after you’ve bonded and ripped a few times, you lose your ability to bond.
The most sad part of this is that many, many times we don’t realize all this until its too late.
I’d love to jibe over the phone on your show about this. If it sounds interesting and you’re up for it, feel free to give me a call at ***. I think it would make an interesting and lively conversation that would pique the interest of your listeners. Not to mention, I think I’d give a different take on things that most don’t hear.
–Let’s see if he responds….:)
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Top 5 Things Women Find Attractive in Men
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12 responses so far ↓
Neil // January 13, 2009 at 9:01 am
Good for you for taking the time to respond to him. Hopefully he’ll engage in a dialogue with you.
The “test drive” philosophy is bankrupt but it is easy for people to rationalize sin that way. You pointed out how easily it breaks down. To that I would add that there is nothing wrong with owning more than one bike, or even borrowing or “renting” one. Your bike won’t get jealous. Will you mind if your partner tries out other bikes or upgrades after marriage?
Peter P // January 13, 2009 at 9:58 am
Great letter!
You may want to put your phone number in there instead of xxx though – it will give him more chance of getting through to you
datGirl // January 13, 2009 at 11:40 am
LOL @ Peter.
Great Post! I am glad you took the initiative and e-mailed him. Hopefully he will respond, people really need to hear this. There is so much pressure to conform to this sex saturated culture.
Matt // January 13, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Hey Rich, I’m glad I stumbled across your blog. You know, there used to be a saying that compared a girl to a bicycle in a sexual way, but it wasn’t supposed to be taken as a good thing! The best rebuke I’ve heard of this sentiment is simply the golden rule. Anyone that you haven’t married is potentially someone else’s spouse. And if you’re unmarried, potentially your spouse is somewhere out there dating someone else. So it stands to reason if you are going to want that person all to yourself when you fall in love and marry them, you wouldn’t want some stranger to be sleeping with them today. So you don’t sleep with your girlfriend, because she’s potentially someone else’s wife, and you should treat that dude and his wife the way you’d want some other guy to treat your future wife.
Rich Bordner // January 13, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Neil,
Now THAT’s a great comment! Seriously, good addition.
Peter,
Lol. I didn” recognize the possible double meaning of the ‘xxx’ until I read your comment. I’m kinda red in the face now.
dat,
True dat….no pun intended.
Matt,
Good addition! I recall that your very insight pricked my conscience a few times in past relationships.
wickle // January 14, 2009 at 9:01 am
There is a modern philosophy that tries to regard sex as just another activity, and therefore not much different from riding a bike.
The thing is, no one actually believes that. Otherwise, they wouldn’t even be having this show.
youreverydaychristian // January 15, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I really enjoyed your article. Its insane how far people will go to try to justify their actions. Its a simple concept if you both wait till marriage then you’ll have nothing to compare sex to so it’ll be the best you ever had. Sex is something that gets better within marriage, not outside of it.
And if someone needs to try you out to see if you’re good enough, I’d pass cause its pretty obvious that they’ve been tried out a few times themselves.
Rich Bordner // January 15, 2009 at 8:08 pm
youreveryday:
Those are some good points! I’m gonna remember them.
Roundup « 4Simpsons Blog - Eternity Matters // January 16, 2009 at 7:12 am
[...] Posted on January 15, 2009 by Neil Should you wait until marriage? Short answer: Yes. Click the link for a more thorough and excellent response by the Pugnacious [...]
Glenn E. Chatfield // January 16, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I found a link to this article on another blog I watch. Outstanding commentary, and excellent teaching on the subject.
Rich Bordner // January 16, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Thanks Glenn!
Should You Wait Until Marriage? (Follow Up) « The Pugnacious Irishman // January 17, 2009 at 6:48 pm
[...] Should You Wait Until Marriage? (Follow Up) Last week I wrote to “Valentine in the Morning,” pitching in my own thoughts on the question “should you wait until marriage to have sex?” [...]