Daily Archives: January 13, 2009

Should you Wait Until Marriage?

As I was driving Saturday, I tuned into Valentine in the Morning on My F.M 104.3. I heard the tail end of a conversation he was having with his callers on “should you wait until marriage for sex?”

Although I only heard the last two callers, I heard a sentiment that is very popular these days. I decided to call in, but I was unable to get through, so I sent Valentine an email:

Hi Valentine!

I caught the tail end of your conversation on Saturday regarding sex before marriage. You asked the question, “should you wait?”

While I only caught the last two callers, one of your comments caught my attention. You drew an analogy between riding a bike and sex before marriage. The basic jist of it was that you said you shouldn’t wait because you gotta try your partner out, much like you try out a bike.

I hear that sentiment a lot: you gotta go for a test drive before you commit so you can see how your boyfriend/girlfriend is in bed.

It’s popular to think like that, but the problem is that we’re not dealing with cars or bikes, but human beings with incredible value. My girlfriend is not a bike…she’s a beautiful child of God. I therefore need to respect her as such and keep my hands off her until I commit in marriage. If I truly love her (which I do), I will have the discipline to do this.

Any woman should be hurt and offended if her boyfriend or spouse speaks of her like a car to be “test driven.”

Moreover, ladies, let me ask you this: how romantic is it, exactly, to stand buck naked in front of a man who hasn’t committed his life to you?

Lastly, we must recognize the consequences of sex before marriage…and I’m not talking about pregnancy and STDs. A condom provides absolutely zero protection against a broken heart. How much carnage has been made from people going on the “test drive” advice?

When you sleep with someone, whether you acknowledge it or not, you bind yourselves together; physiologically, emotionally, spiritually. You also give a piece of your heart and soul to that person. When you break up (which happens often…you might think, in the heat of the moment, that you’ll be together forever, but time often proves that wrong), you rip yourself away and leave that piece of yourself with him/her. We now have a culture of young men and women constantly binding and ripping, binding and ripping. Many of us have bonded and ripped so much, that when we really do marry, we have nothing left to give.

As philosopher J. Budziszewski notes, its kind of like duct tape; the first time you have sex, you will bond with the person no matter what. But after a while, after you’ve bonded and ripped a few times, you lose your ability to bond.

The most sad part of this is that many, many times we don’t realize all this until its too late.

I’d love to jibe over the phone on your show about this. If it sounds interesting and you’re up for it, feel free to give me a call at ***. I think it would make an interesting and lively conversation that would pique the interest of your listeners. Not to mention, I think I’d give a different take on things that most don’t hear.

–Let’s see if he responds….:)

Check out the following related posts:

Top 5 Things Women Find Attractive in Men

The Dating List

The Cost of Delaying Marriage

Singleness: All the Rage

Wait for True Love?

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Now That’s a Good Point!

Here are some mighty fine stuff out there in the blogosphere:

Neil at 4Simpson’s posts Why Sex is Like Duct Tape.  This one goes hand in hand with my letter to Valentine in the Morning that I posted today.  I’ve actually used the duct tape illustration with my students before (sex comes up a lot.  I reason that since I’m one of the only fellas out there that will give any semblance of sense to them, I let them go there from time to time.  Yeah, risky…but worth it.)

David Porter at A Boomer in the Pew posts God-From Homeboy to Sovereign King. This here’s a mighty fine post…mighty fine.  I hope to make Jesus more than a homeboy too.  It’s a shame that God these days is commonly seen as a guy in “a robe, with flip flops  on, kickin’ it in heaven, with a pick in his afro.”  (that gem comes from Ludacris, by the way, in a recent interview.).  It’s expected for the world to think like that, but those in the church?  C’mon.  I admit, though, that far too often I take the same view of God.

This one’s kinda scary, really. It’s about women nursing toy babies.  This is one consequence of putting off marriage and children for too long.  (ht: Challies.com)

Tim Tebow: a class act.

Ray Ortlund writes on the growing trend of stunning biblical illiteracy in the pew, and what we as the Church can do about it.  It’s our problem, afterall..it’s happening on our watch.  (Thanks again, Challies!)

Gosh I love Mark Steyn!  In this post, he has some choice words for many in mainstream Europe (much of the press) and the United States for following Hamas’ lead in spouting the “oldest hatred.” (ht: Hugh Hewitt)

Heather MacDonald writes on the rising rate of minority and inner city crime, and she puts forth a great solution.  Unfortunately, its one that many in the press and policy makers aren’t considering.  (ht: Lashawn Barber)

Here is the article MacDonald critiques.  What the LA Times doesn’t understand is that the problem in the inner cities is a moral one, not a primarily economic one.  It’s not a problem of the justice system either.  As MacDonald notes, the kid has got to commit a crime in the first place to end up in the system (and who do you think the crime was committed against?  An old white male?  No…most often, its against another minority.)

Hard economic times does exacerbate the problem, but it is only a symptom pointing to a deeper problem.  As long as kids in black and latino neighborhoods come from broken and dysfunctional homes (of course, broken homes are prevalent in largely white neighborhoods as well, but as MacDonald demonstrates, the prevalence is much, much higher in these minority communities.), the cycle will continue.

Have fun, comment away!