Daily Archives: January 3, 2009

Wait for True Love

….Have you ever heard that? Chances are, if you are below the age of 35 or so, the answer is “yes.” Many times, probably.

At first glance, it sounds good. But that little ditty has caused a lot of heartache.

The overwhelming majority of people at the turn of the 20th century never settled more than 50 miles from their place of birth. They lived in rural areas amidst few people, compared to today’s standards.

Yet…by and large, they had a much easier time marrying and staying married than we do today. With migration to the cities and suburbs and the many advances in communication, you’d think that we’d be the ones who would find spouses with greater ease. What gives?

The answer to that question runs deep. However, a great part of the answer lies in the fact that we carry unrealistic expectations. We are looking for a Hollywoodized, airbrushed ideal that doesn’t exist. We wait for some gurglin’ in the gizzard that will tell us that we’ve met “the one.”

If the sparks don’t fly immediately, then it must not be “meant to be.”

And so we wait…and wait….and wait for “true love”…all the while wondering why God is holding out on us. Perhaps the problem is not with God, but with our unrealistic and filthy concept of what “love” means.

A piece of unsolicited advice: there is no such thing as “the one.” Whoever you marry…well, s/he becomes “the one” when you say “I do.”

“Well, maybe I didn’t marry ‘the one.’ Maybe I married the wrong person and my soul mate is still out there.”

Nope….sorry Sparky. She became your “soul mate” at the altar. You’d better take your man pill and stop sniveling about your “real soul mate” still out there.

Truth to Power?

Why is it when the pulpiteers in education utter certain broad-brush aphorisms, that hardly anyone sees the humor in it?

Why is it that few people in education think to speak truth to THAT power (To use an oft-quoted and oft-abused phrase that’s all the rage in public ed. circles).

Here’s a silly moment I witnessed at a staff development conference I attended recently:

The presenters were waxing eloquent about the necessity of having ambiguity in your classroom discussions and lessons. That is, in your discussions, you should stress that there is no one right answer that you are looking for. There is “more than one way to skin a cat.” When the students see that their thoughts will be validated and not “put down,” they will buy into the discussion more.

The problem isn’t so much that ambiguity is always a vice. The problem is that the presenters lacked balance.

Though it was never said, the unqualified aphorisms the presenters made it seem like ambiguity was almost an unmitigated good.

In fact, the video they showed for this segment was of a MATH teacher teaching the kids that “there is more than one way to skin a cat.” She said in the lesson, “gee, I see a whole lotta different answers here. Which one is wrong? (students pause, then answer “none of them!”) That’s correct! To her credit, the problem was not a straightforward algebra equation. The problem did lend itself to more than one answer. The issue I take with her was the unqualified application she had.”

One presenter even went so far as to say, “when discussing morals and ethics, you as the teacher should not try to steer the discussion towards your own view. You should not impose your view on them. That is the job of their parents and churches and communities. Your job is to lead them in thinking about their OWN viewpoints.”

GAH! Where do I start? Sometimes teachers need to stress that there are, indeed, a range of interpretations that are valid for a certain work of literature (not that anything goes, though). When the issue really IS grey, ambiguity is a virtue.

But when the issue is black and white, ambiguity is a vice.

As I said to my fellow colleagues, if I hire an engineer to build me a house, and he comes to me and says, “gee, um, well, this is such a sticky issue, you see. There’s no one right way to build the foundation. We’re gonna get creative and wing it,” I would promptly fire him. If someone walks into my classroom and doubts whether rape is ok, we aren’t going to ponder that viewpoint tolerantly and let him “clarify” his values. We will refer him to the school psychiatrist.

That thought had not occured to ANY of my colleagues. When I said that, they muttered, “hmm…I wasn’t looking at it like that. I guess you’re right….that’s a very *ambiguous* point, Bordner!” (laughter)

The trick is having the wisdom to discern when ambiguity is a virtue and when it is a vice.

While I’m at it: I’m fairly sure that the educator presenters would quickly drop their “ambiguity” and “values clarification” stance if a student voiced a point of view that threatened the pillars of a relativisitic, secular worldview. In a discussion on homosexuality, if a student stood up and said, “I used to be homosexual, and I was miserable. With the help of Exodus International, I have left the gay lifestyle and have experienced much healing and repentance from that sin,” I’m pretty sure the teacher would not allow *that* value to be clarified.

The teacher, unless s/he is steeped in the biblical worldview and knows a thing or two about apologetics, would probably step in and announce concern that the student wasn’t being “tolerant” of gays. Most are only interested in ambiguity when it suits them. Start threatening the cherished worldview of the establishment, speak truth to THEIR power, and its game o-v-e-r.

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