At first glance, it’s kinda hard not to be sympathetic to a gal who asks that slightly rhetorical question. But on second thought, the idea behind the question is complete bullfeathers. It really gets me hot under the collar….pugnacious, even.
Usually, there’s a good guy standing right next to her, listening, as she gives complaint.
My advice to those who espouse the idea: you get what you want. You might say you want a good guy, but when one comes around, most of the time he fails to make you giggle, so you brush him off. His fate is to eternally be in the “friend” zone. Then, when a “bad boy” comes along, you give him a try in a moment’s notice. If you, deep down (again, its not what you say you want, necessarily), want the bad boy, you will get the bad boy.
If I had a dollar for every time a chick gave that complaint to me when I was single, I’d own a Mercedes by now.
Notice I’m not saying “nice guys.” My definition of “nice guy” isn’t a compliment. “Nice guys” are feminized, emasculated males who try to please others. It’s no wonder you aren’t attracted to them. This is different from a good guy.
Chances are that you are using the wrong gauges for who you date. Many women (and men, I’ll admit) I know, both within the church and outside the church, go off that feeling in the gut. That is, if the guy doesn’t make her heart flutter right away, he’s a friend, not a potential date. If he doesn’t excite curiosity or make her stammer right off the bat, she doesn’t give him a moment’s notice. Whether we like to admit it or not, this is how many of us operate.
If you operate like that, no, you won’t find or even see any of the many good guys out there. Becoming attracted to a good guy takes time. Many, many times, he’s right there in front of you, but you actually have to give the fella a chance. His qualities aren’t the type of qualities to make your knees weak quickly, and that’s a good thing; the types of qualities he possesses make him a good husband, not a good one night stand.
That’s not to say dating and marrying him won’t be exciting! If he’s a good guy, he has a passion, an orbit, that he can catch you up in…IF YOU LET HIM. But for heavens sake, don’t write him off because he doesn’t show up on a Harley, in a leather jacket, with the looks of Christian Slater, the bravado of Indiana Jones, the “wildness” of William Wallace, and the musical genius of Matt Redman.
“But I’m really looking for a good guy, but I don’t find any.”
Honey, what are your circle of friends like? It’s not that good guys don’t exist, and its not that they are few and far between. You probably aren’t hanging around any of them. Find a good, solid church that faithfully and boldly preaches biblical truth, honors the Bible as God’s word, and is serious and excited about the Great Commission. Then, jump in. Find a small group Bible study. Join a few ministries where you can give your talents away for the good of others. Most importantly, keep your eyes peeled. I will go to Vegas on the thought that you will start seeing *plenty* of good guys.
“But I’m already doing that.”
Then enlarge your circle! Hey, if you are in a pond with few fish, find a larger pond. Try online dating. Yes, I know, there are some drawbacks to online dating, and therefore it’s wise to proceed with caution. But there are some gems out there to be found in the online world.
“But I don’t want to be known as the desperate loser who can’t find a date the real way.”
Well, if that’s the tradeoff, I think it’s a stellar deal. I mean, c’mon, I’ve found quite a catch online. People, I’m about to pull off the steal of the century. If that earns me the label “desperate loser”….so be it, I’m sold.
And I have to say: Christians, isn’t it about time we start paying attention to Scripture? God knows what He’s talking about when He instructs us to not be “unequally yoked.” We say we want to date a fellow Christian, but I am absolutely gobsmacked at the number of people–serious followers of Christ, mind you–who compromise on that in a heart beat. And then I hear many of the women who do that complain about there never being any “good guys around.”
Newsflash: you get what you pay for. If you date a nonbeliever, you won’t pull him up. He will pull you down….sure as the sun rises. If he ends up becoming a strong follower of Christ, it still wasn’t a good idea to date him. You still disobeyed God. Consider yourself lucky, in the truest sense of the word.
While there are a few exceptions to the rule, they are going to want to sleep with you before marriage, they are going to want to live with you before marriage, they will play games, they will play video games, and they won’t completely jibe with your love for Christ. It’s not because he’s wicked or anything; it’s because you both have completely different value systems.
I mean, duh. You follow Christ. He follows self. That’s not a good combination. Why do we persistently question the obvious?
And it goes without saying that you can’t just go by church attendance. Regretably, the description above applies to many fellas in the pews every Sunday. All that to say: don’t fool yourself. Choose wisely.
I’m not even counting myself among the “good guys.” I’ve been a bone head more times than I care to admit. I also realize that perhaps you earnestly desire marriage and are earnestly seeking, but none of the good guys want to be in a relationship. That sucks, seriously. I know the feeling (but from the other side of the gender divide!), and I dare not make light of it.
All I’m saying is that don’t come blathering about there being no good guys out there if all, especially if you are hanging around and/or falling for males who don’t take discipleship to Christ seriously. Like I said, you get what you pay for.
Check out the following related posts:
Should you Wait Until Marriage (Follow-up)?
The Definition of Insanity
Singleness: all the Rage
The Cost of Delaying Marriage
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