What are the top five things women find attractive in men?
In my humble, yet always correct, opinion, here’s my take on it:
5) A good conversationalist
4) Physically attractive
3) Honest
2) Funny
1) Confident
These qualities go across the board, for both Christians and non-Christians. They aren’t the *only* things women find attractive, but they definitely are at the top.
Put one and two together and you have a lethal combination. That, I think, is *one* reason why many women stay with men they really shouldn’t..the combination of one and two makes them feel a certain way, and that feeling is irresistible. I’ve thought, “how’d she end up with that guy?” waaay too many times to say otherwise.
If she sees that you can’t be pushed around, and that you make her laugh, you’re in. By the way, I’m not talking about a mild, she-chuckles-and-says-”that’s funny”-every-once-and-a-while funny, but head-tilted-back-you-can-see-her-tonsils-laugh funny.
How'd she end up with *that* guy?
Seriously, as Hitchens points out in the article, it’s all we’ve got. We look goofy. Hair grows in odd places. Weird sounds come out of random orifaces….often. We’re not as, shall we say, savy. Beauty and subtlety are not our strongsuits. We gotta work it like mad.
A note to the wise: don’t try too hard…they can sniff that from a mile away, and they’re gone. We’ve all seen been) that guy who trotted out one lame joke after another, each more desperate than the last, in an effort to impress a woman.
We’ve also seen that guy who chases, yet the more he chases, the more disinterested the woman becomes. Why? Because that screams “desperate,” and it does not bode well for attractive feature numero uno.
On 3-5: Women hate a cheat and a liar. Can I get an amen? Among other things, it just makes them feel unsafe…see a theme? It’s all about the feeling. Contrary to what many might say, choosing whom you date isn’t primarily guided by the head, unfortunately. I’ve seen many men and women who confidently trot out their dating standards, then trample on them in a heart beat.
Being a good conversationalist is a big bonus too. You’ve gotta be interesting. You’ve gotta know how to do more than monologue. Engage her! This means more than asking the standard questions, “so, what do you like to do? Where are you from? What’s your family like?”
Note what is not on the list: being nice. It can come as a plus, and most women will certainly say it ranks high on their list, but I daresay that women don’t want to marry Mr. Rogers.
Also not on the list: winning drinking games, playing Halo 3, entering a fantasy football league, whining about how women keep turning you down, and monologues displaying your knowledge of The Daily Show history.
Caveat: I’m surely not the expert at 1-5. I’m no Don Juan, but I’ve seen enough successful guys out there to have a hunch.
So, what do men find attractive in a woman? Simple:
Today I want to comment on ways that over exposure to media has hurt us and, more importantly, children and teenagers.
Immediately, when I suggest there could be negative effects of media, many think, “every time teachers, parents, and pundits get worried about something, nothing comes of it.”
Well, sometimes there’s a bit of truth to that, but in this case, as John Mark Reynolds suggests, a “tipping point” has been reached where we do have cause for concern.
Perhaps the biggest negative effect that electronic media has had on teenagers specifically is evident when you ask, “if teens are spending an average of 45 hours a week plugged in, what are they *not* spending time doing?” Answer: they are not spending time with their parents. This puts the TV, the internet, or the peer group “in loco parentis”.
Secondly, they aren’t reading, spending solitude time, or developing a devotional life. Its sad to see a myspace profile that has mounds and mounds of titles listed under the “movies” section, but the books section says something like, “ya, I don’t do books.” You can see this on teens’ and adults’ profiles, on Christians’ and non-Christians’ profiles.
Electronic media has had many other effects too.
Have you ever tried to have a worthwhile conversation with someone while he’s playing a video game or while he’s listening to his IPOD? If you have, then I’m willing to bet you have one word (at least) to describe that experience: frustrating.
I know what my students say: “but I can listen to my IPOD and interact with people just fine! Seriously, it helps me study.” Then why do people typically turn down the radio in their cars when they are trying to follow carefully crafted directions or when they want to concentrate on something?
I work with teenagers all the time, and I see the way such things affect them. When they are texting, or have their IPODS on, or whatever, they are in the classroom, but they aren’t really there. You catch my drift?
One could argue that they aren’t there no matter what, but I see evidence that this tendency to cognitively float around is only exacerbated by being plugged in. No matter what such IPOD junkies suggest, I see the proof, and I will die on that hill before I believe them.
Really, how could someone even suggest that, when they are on myspace, listening to their IPOD, watching TV, and instant messaging a friend (often at the same time!), that they can write a quality essay, just as quality as it would be if they were writing it undistracted? Such a thought is laughable. Sure, having soft music in the background might help out, but we’re talking about a whole different level of multitasking, folks.
There’s evidence that suggests that such multi-tasking changes the way the brian functions. One’s ability to follow a logical argument deteriorates, and it is easier to be manipulated by images and emotions. I’m telling you, even when they aren’t plugged in, folks, especially teens, who are immersed in media have a hard time settling. It comes with the age, of course, but again, electronic media exacerbates the phenomenon. When I start a lecture, I have about 30 seconds to get their attention. If I fail at that, they become bored and distracted, and they tune out.
It is very, very difficult to tune them into the deep things. Entertainment is their bottom line.
Dealing with silence is yet another hard task for the media saturated. I’ve talked with countless people who frequently use IPODS, and almost all of them state uncategorically that thinking in silence is difficult for them. Its almost like IPODS are an addictive drug.
A steady diet of electronic media changes how you relate to people too: ever take a gander at the comments section on blogs? Online communication doesn’t bode too well for civility. Its not a stretch to see that if someone socializes mostly online, that will affect how they relate to others in the real world too…and online is how many teenagers socialize these days.
Such coarse social relations online has even given rise to a new word: cyberbullying.
Also, there is a downside to blogging specifically. If a person’s main reading consumption is through blogs online, how will that affect their ability to read longer pieces, especially if that longer piece weaves a complicated logical argument?
Reynolds asks:
“Mental development takes time and practice. What if nobody takes the time? Could it be that we are marketing habits to young adults that are not helpful?”
Then he adds:
“Mental acuity and attention are skills that can degrade. If you don’t read a long book for a while, then it is harder to read a long book when you finally pick one up.”
I think he’s spot on. Blogs and other online media specialize in the quickie genre, where skimming is the norm. Readers tend to shy away from longer, more thoughtful pieces. Before I started Pugnacious, I blogged on myspace. In reaction to my blogs, I regularly received the comment, “I usually don’t read your stuff. It’s too long, and I just can’t do it.” This was in response to pieces that were no longer than this post.
If they say that about my posts, what are they to do when they encounter the Bible, or Homer, or Socrates? I weep for them.
What’s the solution to these negative effects? Obviously it isn’t to go Amish. Moderation is the key. This is the subject of tomorrow’s post!
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I was at a teacher workshop the other day, and the topic of student boredom came up. We were all trying to find ways to excite our students and to make our lessons more relevant to them.
What teacher hasn’t heard a student say, “this stuff is boring. When are we gonna learn something that’s actually relevant to our lives?” Public and private school teachers, as well as pastors and Sunday school teachers, hear this quip often.
On the one hand, this desire for relevance touches upon a good point–far too often, we bore our students in education (whether in the church or in public education) with senseless drivel. The current obsession with standardized testing is a common example. Though accountability and measuring gains is a good thing, focusing on test taking skills and multiple choice exams is killing our kids’ enthrallment with learning.
But on the other hand, the quip misses something. For starters, our definition of relevance is skewed.We lean too much on “yankee pragmatism” and immediate gratification/application.
The prevailing attitude is that if its not immediately relevant or applicable, its bosh.But we miss that for some things, the pay off is later and isn’t immediately obvious.
You ask me how I spend my time, and though I am more interested in thoughts and feelings, we’ll come down to facts. I am awakened up in the morning by Kirk splashing in his bath, about 20 minutes after which I get up myself and come down. After breakfast & a short walk we start work on Thucydides a desperately dull and tedious Greek historian (I daresay tho’, you’d find him interesting) and on Homer whom I worship. After quarter of an hour’s rest we go on with Tacitus till lunch at 1.
I am then free till tea at 4.30: of course I am always anxious at this meal to see if Mrs K. is out, for Kirk never takes it. If she is I lounge in an arm chair with my book by the fire, reading over a leisurely and bountiful meal. If she’s in, or worse still has ’some people’ to tea, it means sitting on a right angled chair and sipping a meagre allowance of tea and making intelligent remarks about the war, the parish and the shortcomings of everyones servants. At 5, we do Plato and Horace, who are both charming, till supper at 7.30, after which comes German and French till about 9. Then I am free to go to bed whenever I like which is usually about 10.20.
I remind you: he was 17 when he wrote this!
According to our current definition of “relevance” his education was completely useless…but so much the worse for our skewed views of education. Obssessed with quickly “hooking” our students and congregants into our lessons, we bemoan: “ah, that stuff just isn’t relevant to us today! What does studying Homer and Greek have to do with life?”
Answer: plenty. Tackling hard things carves character into one’s soul. It makes one’s mind go deep. In addition, we often miss that works from men like Homer have survived the test of time because they touch upon universal themes. It might take some considerable digging, but one will find in the classics deep and rich commentary on the questions that have captured and vexed humans from the beginning.
Can’t we just realize that this stuff is just plain interesting, even if that interest takes a while to surface and even if you can’t “do anything” (i.e. make money or get a job) with it?
Boy we have missed the boat!
I daresay that the education displayed in this letter was and still is terribly relevant. Just because the payoff isn’t immediate and encased in flashing lights doesn’t mean its beneath us. Sometimes the biggest payoffs come after many years of plodding through tough, hard-to-chew-on-material that seems dull at the time. Lewis , due in part to the classical education he received as a youngster, led a full, wise, joyful, and yes, relevant life. That man “sucked the marrow” out of life. I can only dream of how interesting and invigorating it must have been to spend time with him.
I’m not suggesting that we all turn around tomorrow and drag our students through marathon readings of Tacitus or that we totally forget about exciting lessons. We need balance, and that calls for us to remember the shortcomings of our modern ways of thought.
